I finally was able to let go of all the bullshit I was holding on to and I went to see Jackie and we had a great talk and a lot of really great things came out of it.
I had been thinking that “the problem” was that I was in love with her. But after we talked and we re-established our connection, the next day I came to understand that love wasn’t the problem. The problem, all along, was neediness.
What happened, was the next day she sent me a very nice message that just reaffirmed how great it was to be friends again and how much comfort it gave her to have me back in her life and when I read that simple and heartfelt message, it was like all the neediness I had been feeling just dropped away and I was able to let it go.
It’s such a great feeling, because now we really can be great friends with nothing getting in the way of simply enjoying each other’s company and conversation.
Life is good and I feel incredibly motivated to do something nice for someone. A random act of kindness is definitely called for.
I have a friend that I have known for almost ten years now and her name is Jackie. Naturally, in the course of ten years shit happens. So we have had some really good times together and we have had some really fucked up times together. We’ve been good to each other and we have been shitty to each other and if you look at it “on paper” it doesn’t make any sense at all that we would be friends. But life doesn’t happen on paper. Life is painfully and wonderfully real and just how real it is happened for me this week.
About three years ago some fucked up shit happened and Jackie and I ended up being shitty to each other and we stopped seeing each other. Let’s just say it ended badly. I didn’t call or see her and she didn’t call me and while that would seem to be the end of it, I never really felt that way. I was pissed off at her and she was pissed off at me and I think we both had legitimate reasons to feel that way. But it didn’t stop me from loving her. I never felt like I wanted it to be over. But it was over and that was that.
As the years went by, I would think of her from time to time but I never dwelled on it. I just figured it was one of those things you learn from and move on. It taught me some things about myself that I didn’t want to think about, but life has a way of throwing that shit in your face and you either deal with it directly, or you try to sweep it under the carpet and it comes back again and again. Much better to deal with it, so that was about the extent of my thinking about Jackie. Face your demons that created the mess and try not to do it again.
Then something really strange happened. I started dreaming about her. In fact, I dreamed about her three nights in a row. I don’t even remember what the dreams were about, I just know that she was in them and we were OK with each other in the dreams.
When Jackie and I first met, we “clicked” right off the bat. We instantly understood each other right to the bone. I could read her like a book. I could just look at her and feel what she was feeling and she knew who I was better than I did. We also both felt there was some sort of psychic connection between us. I would almost always know ahead of time when I was going to hear from her. There were many times when I would wake up in the morning and just know she was going to contact me that day and it would happen. And it worked the same way for her. There were many times that I hadn’t seen her in weeks and when I finally got around to going to see her, she would often say, “I knew you were coming to see me today because I dreamed about you last night.” Or she would say “I’ve been thinking about you off and on all day, so I knew I was going to see you today.”
So after it ending badly and after not seeing her or talking to her in three years, suddenly I dream about her three nights in a row. Nothing dramatic, just dreams where she was in my life. On the morning after the third dream, I decided to see if I could Google her up. Jackie has always hated computers and so I wasn’t surprised that I drew a blank, but then I suddenly had an urge to try a facebook search and motherfucker, there she was. Without even thinking about what I was doing, I sent her this message:
What a surprise to see you here. I have a fair number of pictures of you on my account but none of them are tagged with your name. I will leave them untagged if that is what you prefer or I will be happy to tag them for you if you like.
If you choose not to reply I understand and I will take that as a no and never bother you again.
As I was driving to work later that morning, I regretted contacting her. Clearly, she could have contacted me if she wanted to hear from me and so it was an obvious mistake. I fully expected that I would never hear from her again, but when I checked my email at lunch as I almost always do, there was an alert from facebook that Jackie wanted to add me as a friend. No message, just the friend request. So I added her as a friend and when I got home from work, I found a message from her:
I hope all is well with you, and life is treating you more than fair. I’m newish to facebook and would love if you tagged a few pics for me. As you know, I suck at computer stuff and pretty much only use facebook via my blackberry. I really would love to put all our bullshit in the past behind us, and reopen a beautiful friendship in a positive light. I’m up for it. You have been an incompletion in my life and I’m sorry my pride has not permitted me to reach out to you sooner. I do feel we have a psychic attachment, which I can’t explain at the moment. With enough being said, God bless you and have a wonderful day!
So just like that, Jackie is back in my life. We haven’t met again yet or talked again yet, but we will and I have a feeling it will be good. We’re both a little older and I feel like I’m a little wiser and it feels like a weight I didn’t even know I was carrying has been lifted from me.
A couple of years ago, I was visiting my buddy, Chris, and he handed me his newest toy (all men loves toys, but with Chris, toys are an obsession), the just-released iPod Touch. The Touch is basically an iPhone without the phone. 30 microseconds later, I wanted one. As soon as I saw and held that beautiful little piece of technology, I wanted one. The appeal was instant. I instantly knew this was a game changer. I knew that it was inevitable that I would buy one and so it happened. I’m also certain that my next phone will be an iPhone.
So yesterday, I was visiting Chris again and he showed me his latest toy and it was a 3D digital projector. Chris has been a 3D artist since high school. In other words, since long before I met him. So I’ve always known him as a 3D artist, who I’ve always thought was quite talented. His site is 3DChris.com In fact, his “day” job is for a company that converts standard movies into 3d versions. So Chris finally getting a 3D projector is not a surprise. So we put on the glasses (he works in “active” 3D which uses the LCD glasses whose lenses “blink” transparent and opaque 60 times a second) and he first showed me some of his own purely digital creations (which were cool) and we spent about 20 minutes discussing the technology, both of 3D and of the projector system. In a dark room, the projector’s High Definition image is equal to any LCD television you’ve seen.
And it’s fucking big.
What we were watching was essentially a 120 inch television. That’s an image size of 6ft high x 8 ft wide!
Think about that for a minute… because it is important.
With a screen size six feet high, much of the time, the people you see on the screen are life size, or bigger than life. Literally. But it’s not like Imax or something, because the image is close. The wall is just a few feet away. You are, in fact, almost close enough to touch the screen. So when you watch a movie like Avatar, the impact of the 3D (and the movie) is different. The fact that everyone is “the right size” (in other words they are digital people who are the same size as human people) has a very powerful psychological effect. The movie engages you much more. I noticed it right away.
So then he plays some 3D porn. The first one was just a girl stripping, but when I say “just a girl stripping” what I meant is that I saw another of those life changing moments. Within 3 microseconds you know this is the future.
Here, standing next to you, just a couple of fee away, is a beautiful girl who is in perfect 3D and she’s perfectly life sized and she’s right there stripping for you.
It’s startling.
And extremely “engaging.” In fact, it is creepy how fucking engaging it is. Even the 3D still images he showed me were astonishing.
So this is it. 3D is here and all the buzz you’ve been hearing about it being the next big thing is 100% true.
